so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
