He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
