ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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