matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
