my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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