she woke up with a sticky ear
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
