I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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