Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
