brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You are a genius and a whore.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
