You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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