That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
