well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
