Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
