I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
