You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
