there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
