Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
