how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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