I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
