You're a womanizer and a bitch.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
