FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
