Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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