I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
