I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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