barbara walters just said penis...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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