Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
