The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
