Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
