I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
