it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
