I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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