I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
