Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Randomize
