you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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