Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The struggles of a small town man whore
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
