It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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