A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
