I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
