I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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