i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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