hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
