i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
