I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
