Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
