Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
