Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
