hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
