Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
