just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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