I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
