yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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