I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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